Last month we began a series of articles on a question that haunts many leaders and potential leaders who haven't moved forward in their careers and don't know why. In this series we answer the question what stands in my way?  It started last month with this:

Question: I've worked in several departments over the 9 years I've been at my company, but in the last four years have not had a promotion.  Other peers, and even people I supervised have moved above me.  I should have been promoted and I can't get anyone to tell me why I wasn't.  How can I deal with this? - Ron P., Logistics Manager

Lyn's Answer: When performance or work product issues derail a promotion, you usually have advance notice about what you need to improve. But when there is a subtler character issue that's getting in your way, sometimes your boss, and even your lunch buddies won't mention it. We mentioned three such issues last month - self-righteousness, conflict avoidance, and a tendency to blame - that often get in the way. We are going to focus on self-righteousness this month. Others see self-righteous people as narrow-minded and intolerant. They tend to overreact, and mistake a lack of flexibility and tolerance for being true to values. They often frame a difference of opinion as a moral issue, and respond as though core values have been threatened.  The consequences of such behavior are exaggerated by the demands of today's diverse work environments.

Managers err into self-righteousness when they:
1. Are intolerant of people with values and attitudes that are different from their own deeply held beliefs. They say they can't figure out how to work with these people and still remain true to their own values.
2. Mistake a difference of opinion for an ethical violation and blow small things out of proportion.
3. Respond to criticism with exaggerated criticism back, and sometimes even frame it as a moral issue.

A lack of humility and a propensity to blame are core to all of these.

Bob's Answer: For an example of blowing small things out of proportion I can reach into my own experience.  Years ago, I was head of the Psychology Dept in a hospital and a colleague who had helped me get the job went behind my back to take over a vacant position in my department.  By the time I found out, he had already hired someone to fill the position. I confronted my colleague in the cafeteria, quite indignant, and asked very self-righteously if it was true that he had reassigned and filled my vacant position. Surrounded at his table by employees and colleagues, he responded that he would come by my office and explain later. I felt deceived and betrayed and it showed, blaming him in front of all present. Even though he came to my office that afternoon and apologized, my self-righteous reaction was not in the best interests of the team or the hospital and not exemplary of good leadership.

Lyn: Self-righteousness is certainly not just a guy thing - all of us can easily slip over that line. Women are known in the workplace for paying attention to ethics and may tend to be more values and principle driven.  Studies have shown that one of the things women bring to boards and the executive suite is an increased focus on ethics and good governance. Women can, however, sometimes mistake self-righteousness for adherence to principle. When women become moralistic, holier-than-thou and overly certain of their own positions, they lose influence. Responding to criticism by attacking the source may keep you "out of the loop" next time, and claiming the moral high ground can leave you isolated on your lonely precipice. My counsel to women and men is to stay open - don't be too certain of your own position or too critical of others. Even if you are SURE that the other person has behaved illegally or unethically, avoid excessive emotion or moral indignation because:

1. You might be wrong
2. Good leaders remain calm and abhor the action, not the person

Bob: Leaders must find the balance here and humility is key. When things aren't going smoothly, blame is a natural human response. But when we give in to blame, we are unwittingly confusing a central element of responsible behavior - that people should be accountable for what they do - with the notion that people should be accused and faulted when what they do is problematic. In a diverse workplace you can remain true to your own values, but also be tolerant of values and attitudes that are different from yours. Correct the work style, if necessary, but accept the worker. If someone is behaving illegally or is violating the ethical code of your organization, of course you must confront the issue. If you are raising a red flag about what you consider wrongdoing, be certain that you are really confronting an ethical situation, and not simply a difference of opinion. If you are certain, don't ignore ethical or legal lapses out of misplaced tolerance, but deal with the issue as quickly and directly as possible. Just do it calmly, respectfully, and without self-righteousness. Have you noticed a tendency towards blame in your workplace? We welcome your comments on this and other workplace issues.

© December 2009, Turknett Leadership Group

Turknett Leadership Group is a management consulting firm based in Atlanta that specializes in succession planning, CEO consulting, executive coaching, talent management and organization effectiveness. Turknett has assessed and developed high level leaders and their organizations throughout the U.S. for more than 20 years. The Turknett professional staff combines psychological expertise in the behavioral sciences and practical business and executive management experience and serve small, mid-sized and large organizations such as American Cancer Society, AT&T, Georgia-Pacific Corp., and Hewlett-Packard. For more information, visit www.turknett.com. If you have a question about the best way to lead your organization or develop your own skills as a leader, send a confidential email to: Answers@turknett.com.